A.M.A.N.D.A. April ’13

Fat is a delicate word in our house. You see I’m not 18 any more and thanks to middle age (plus a few cream eggs here and there), I’ve put on a few pounds in recent years – only a few mind! Pete is very sympathetic to my (temporary) bulging midriff (not) and tries his best to avoid the ‘F’ word as much as he can. But then that’s his trouble of course, he can’t resist stirring the hornet’s nest, poking jibes at the afflicted amongst us. I can hear him now with his (not so) subtle hints: “That’s a FAT lot of good.” There’s not much FAT on that idea.” You get my drift? Nothing direct, just little digs here and there; I wouldn’t mind but he’s hardly Richard Gere now is he?

And so to the latest excuse for the ‘F’ word. Crested tits and Great-spotted woodpeckers eat alot of fat, my fat, the fat that I make from bread, lard and peanuts each winter to feed the greedy so and sos. With our Winter Wildlife tours going at full tilt for almost a month, and photographers lining up in our hides to photograph them, alot of fat has been needed. It started off: “Amanda, could you mix some more fat?” but gradually degenerated into, “Fat for Fatties from the Fat Factory please.” He even got our other guides involved! Now again, there’s a deliberate and cynical avoidance of any direct reference to my own body but I can see it in his eyes – I know those eyes – he’s having a dig. Now of course he will deny all of this saying I’m being over-sensitive, paranoid even, but I know, I just know.

The Fat Factory is now winding down for the season as the birds go off to make new fat addicts. I’ve given Pete ‘the stare’ more than once, just waiting for him to cross that uncrossable line but sneaky as he is, he stays just the right side. He claims he’s sympathetic to my complaints about excess body baggage; he claims he still loves me as he did when I was 18; he claims he’s a mature, modern man. Fat chance!

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7 thoughts on “A.M.A.N.D.A. April ’13

  1. LoL A classic Amanda blog 😀

    Just ignore the jibes. You’re perfect just the way you are. Pete’s a very lucky man indeed and he knows it. Very happy to be your champion and challenge Pete to a press ups competition if he ever crosses that line.

    Hope you and the family are well. Miss Oscar dog 🙂

  2. I can empathise but there is more than one answer to the problem! Many moons ago there was a general discussion at work (a retail pharmacy) about the issues of stubborn adipose and I told the tale of running up a flight of stairs to be told by my then partner who was behind me that ‘Eureka, he had discovered perpetual motion!’ We all agreed that there must certainly be a question about his parentage. Then an elderly lady who had been hidden from view, popped up from behind the toothpaste and said she had the answer and he would never be able to make such a comment again. We expected words of wisdom on diet or special exercises to target the particular problem area. Instead she said ‘Always make him go up the stairs first dear!’ What wonderful logic.

  3. Having had the pleasure of being deputy fat distributor for one of your hides for a week in February I can only offer the compensation, which is the “Francis of Assisi” moment of being among the whirring of dozens of pairs of wings as the hungry small birds flock in. Never mind the effort of sitting in a hide wondering what will turn up, this is the fully-fledged (pun intended) experience of being out in the open air while the wildlife simply congregates around you. So what if it’s the high-cholesterol comestibles they really want?

    And Matt – loving the anagram 🙂

  4. I thought that was just a fatastic blog!!!

    Need to get out for your daily walks or are you still chained to that desk keeping Pete organised?

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